Today was Isaac's official due date. The day that we started counting down to the moment we found out I was pregnant. Little did I know then what kind of day this would actually turn out to be. I have truly felt at peace and comforted lately but today I struggled to even get myself out of bed. I could have stayed there all day holding Isaac's teddy bear and smelling his little hat, the only one he ever got to wear. It's been a day of "what ifs" and I know it's such a dangerous road to go down but I just can't seem to help myself.
I can't help but imagine him being born today a healthy little boy. What it would have been like to feed him and rock him to sleep, to bathe him and lay him on my chest. What it would have been like introduce Julia to her baby brother. For her to count his fingers and toes and kiss his little cheeks. It's something my heart will always ache for. I know I will get my chance to be with him again, I just have to wait. Sometimes it seems like such a long, impossible wait.
6 comments:
oh ash, you amaze me! i was with you today and i had NO idea you were having a hard time. i feel like an awful friend that i didn't remember that this was going to be a difficult day for you. i hope you know you could have talked to me about issac if you had wanted to. my heart truly aches for you. i want you to know that i just love you SO much and i cannot imagine going through all that you have and handling it with as much poise and faith as you have. you are amazing! i am so incredibly grateful for your friendship and example. i seriously don't know what i would do without ya! love you.
What a bitter sweet day. I was looking through my phone the other day and noticed I dont have your phone number :( I got a new phone and my contacts didnt transfer. You should write me and let me know what it is.
Nick and I think about you and your family a lot. We love you and want you to know that we think of you guys often. Thank you for being such a great friend, you are a strong woman for us to look up to! ***hugs*** Love you!
Thinking of you....Love you Ashley!!!
Oh Ash! I am so sorry. My heart is aching for you. Such a hard, hard day. I remember my due date day like it was yesterday. I remember feeling that same way. Please know that you are still in my prayers. I hope that you know how proud of Issac is of you. Hang in there. XOXO
Ashley, you are an amazing person and I admire you for your strength!
Oh Ashley, I love you so much...I am thinking of you and praying for you.
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